When we think of building community, we often think about
reaching out to helping others who are struggling. We don’t always think our
role and benefits of being a part of community. Within our world, there is a
lot of differing views of community. In this newsletter, I invite you to think
about community in a different way. As you read, I encourage you to think about
what you have in common with others versus what is different.
In order to build community, real relationships are
built among people. This means getting to a place where we can truly be
ourselves and not worry about the judgement of others. I’m not saying we extend
trust to all of those we meet; however, I do think we often let barriers,
whether real or perceived, get in the way we relate to and interact with
others.
In the early 1980’s Dr. M. Scott Peck discovered something
by pure accident during a workshop he was conducting. In short, what Dr. Peck
found was the more time people spent together the more they felt like they were
able to be their genuine authentic selves. Through this process, he found
people were able to learn a lot about themselves and others, while being able
to open up to process challenges and joys in life. This process helped
participants feel accepted, which in turn helped them see the world through
different, less hurtful lenses. This process of Building Community helped
participants see where their fears were getting in the way of connecting with
others and helped them more openly love others and be loved.
When we look at the core of each person, we are people. We
all struggle, we all experience some sort of joy, and we all yearn for
connection to others. Often our views and perceptions keep us from reaching out
and connecting to those who are different. We are often afraid of what might
happen. Perhaps what we are afraid of is finding out there is nothing to be
afraid of in the first place. Perhaps we can find more openness, joy, peace,
and understanding.
How to begin building a larger community:
1.
Get curious about those who are different by
asking questions. Learning about the differences of others is not going to
compromise your values and beliefs unless you chose to allow it.
2.
Allow yourself to be placed in situations where
you can learn about others different than you and where others can learn about
you.
3.
Examine any biases or stigmas you have of other
cultures, groups of people. This goes beyond people of different races and
ethnic backgrounds.
4.
Educate yourself about others. Read up on what
others are doing and how others live. Educating yourself can help get rid of
fear based on differences; the more you know the less scary something can be.
5.
Allow others to tell their stories and actually
listen to them. We often feel defensive when others who differ from us begin to
talk about ways their life is different from ours.
6.
Be aware of differences in communication,
values, and beliefs.
7.
Challenge yourself and your beliefs. Don’t
always assume the majority way of thinking and acting is the right way.
8.
Take risks – you are going to stick your foot in
your mouth from time to time when learning about others. This is okay. After
you get over the embarrassment you’ll have had an opportunity to grow closer to
another person through learning.
9.
Be an ally to others who are different than you.
You don’t have to have the same values and beliefs to be an ally to someone.
All you need to do is be willing to respect who they are.
Relationship is reciprocal. By using the tips above, you
will give yourself the opportunity to grow and experience more of this world
through relationship with others. If you are having difficulty, try asking
yourself the following. Do I live in fear of difference, and if so, where is my
fear coming from?
The following sources were used to write this post:
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